[forwards deleted]

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When I was younger, my family was called at least once an evening by
tele-marketers, sometimes more, and invariably during dinner.  This used to
annoy mom to no end, as dinner was pretty much the only time all six of us
gathered -- well, you know how it goes.  So we hit upon this method of
taking advantage of them.  

The basic concept was to pretend you were doing a research project on
tele-marketers, and ask permission to ask them a few questions ("You're a
tele-marketer, right?  Great!  It just so happens that Katie is...  Well,
wait a sec, I'll let you talk to her directly.").  

Of course, we had put together a list of questions, which started with the
fairly mundane ("well, clearly you're a male...  okay.  Are you a college
student?"), progressed to the somewhat obscure ("Have you ever witnessed a
lynching?"), and then proceeded to the completely bizarre ("Given the
choice, would you rather be a hairless gerbil or live in Cleveland with a
fat chihuahua named 'Burt'?")

The goal was to get them to answer every question.  Everyone got a chance
to play (from my father down to my brother, the youngest -- eighth grade,
came up with the best questions, and was the only person to actually get
someone to finish the survey.  I think I could have done it, but I always
started laughing when the poor sap at the other end asked, in that
plaintive, lost voice, "You're...  you're not going to buy anything, are
you?")

If you can't keep them away, at least enjoy their company!

-des