The following is pair of messages posted to the nandotronic mail list
by my ex-housemate Keith Edwards.  While the subject matter is something
that definitely falls within the purview of alt.tasteless, the furore
that a more or less sincere post can stir up is pretty amusing.

So, in the hope that some of you agree, I am forwarding this.

--------------------------Start forwarded message ----------------------------


Two messages.  The first is a call-to-arms against rec.pets.cats.  The
second is one of the end results, an editorial in Network World.

(Do I have too much free time?)

-k


----- Begin First Message -----
>From khovanes@infonode.ingr.com (Mr. Pig)
Newsgroups: alt.tasteless
Subject: Cats and the world
Date: Tue, 5 Oct 1993 18:23:46 GMT


First let me explain.  I really do have a serious cat problem in the 
area of town I live in.  But I have come up with a solution, one that
has worked for all the cats, except one, we'll just call him...
"Stupid."

Anyway, I've been an avid reader of alt.tasteless for years, and have
seen the animosity between the various "newsgroups de jour" and the
Hallowed Newsgroup... "ALT.TASTELESS."  (please stand and perform the 
standard a.t salute (grab your crotch, then walk over to your office 
mate and spit in his/her face)).

Now to the point.  I have seen the wars between rec.pets.cats and 
ALT.TASTELESS, and always wondered what drove these people (in r.p.c 
that is.)

I thought, "Hey.  You've got a cat problem, why not jump at the chance 
and ask the cat owners."  So I did.  Here is what I asked... (verbatim)
and posted in r.p.c...

    I live in downtown Huntsville, and man-o-man there are a lot of cats. 

    Here is my question,  What would be the best way to try and keep them 
    from attempting to get into my house?  The former owners had two cats 
    and they used to let the other cats in the neighborhood in the house.

    I don't really want to harm the animals, but I don't want them hanging
    around my house.  I have a couple of bird feeders out in the yard and
    as of late I have found 3 dead birds with said cats.  I like wild birds
    much more than cats, and in the end the birds be protected, if it gets
    to that.

    As of late there is just one cat bothering me, the others have gotten 
    the message through water aided instruction, but this last one  is
    really stubborn (stupid) who doesn't seem to understand.

    I'm going to get a Labrador this spring, but in the meantime....

    Ken "What next?" Hovanes

Here are some of the responses I got...

                             Procat:

Why don't you leave the cat's alone.

Cat's don't hurt anything.  Why not just leave them alone.

You better not do that, 'cause if it's my cat I'll call the police.

Get a cat instead of a labrador.  Dogs are stupid.

How could a human being possibly want to throw water onto one of 
nature's most amazing animals.  I hope you are just joking, because 
if you aren't, then YOU NEED HELP!

If I ever catch you doing that to one of my cats I'll shove the
hose up your ass.

                            Anticat (sort of)

Mix ammonia with the water.  

Two words:  Pellet Gun  (from an a.t lurker)

Super Soaker 100


Well, here's how I feel.  I think the r.p.c is a very strange newsgroup.  
One which we really don't understand.  Perhaps there are deeper meanings 
to the discussions, maybe they are really trying to understand the moral
and logical reasonings behind the feline?  There might be a link behind 
the cat lover and the cat?  

Hmmmmmmmmm.



You're right.  They're just dumbasses.

Now, How about some ALT.TASTELESS HELP ON HOW TO GET RID OF THEM CATS!!!

    -----------------------------------------------------------------------
   |- Ken Hovanes           -*-                                           -|
   |- Intergraph Corp.      -*-              FINGER TOWELETTE             -|
   |- Huntsville, AL  35894 -*-  is a folded napkin with a midly fragrant -|
   |- khovanes@ingr.com     -*-              cleansing lotion.            -|
   |- (205)730-3781         -*-                                           -| 
    -----------------------------------------------------------------------

----- End First Message -----


----- Begin Second Message -----

>From jfrancis@netcom.com (Topaz)
Newsgroups: alt.tasteless
Subject: alt.tastless makes the news!
Date: Mon, 4 Oct 1993 22:05:53 GMT

Thought y'all might be interested:

I get a rather dry trade rag called Network World, and in
it's latest issue--Oct 4th--I stumbled across an editorial
by a milquetoast little fuck named Mark Gibbs entitled
'Manners make the message.' Anyway, the jist of the article
is that people should be polite when using email, and as
an example of obnoxiousness what do you thing  Gibbs uses?

"Out in the big wide world, the problem of rude and ill-
mannered E-mail is far worse.  I received a letter the other
day from an Internet user requesting advice on how to handle
the 'invasion' of a discussion group (a listserv 'list') by
another group. The invaders in question belong to a group
called alt.tasteless. I think their name gives you a sense 
of the high-brow material that gets exchanged.

"The invaded group (members of which simply wanted to talk
about cats) was rather agitated when the invaders posted
hundreds of messages ranging from the simply offensive to
the downright obscene. The cat lovers were outraged, but
there seemed nothing they could do.

"In fact, this was the case. My advice was to respond by
conciously doing nothing."

Gibbs ends up wagging his finger at naughty "E-mail
hoodlums" and says that "If someone on your staff
is guilty of this, you should consider whether such
behavior is likely to reflect badly on your organization.
I suggest it will."

So there you go, boys and girls of alt.tasteless. I for
one would like to extend my warmest regards to the person(s)
who started this fracas--keep the Nazis on their toes.


Hope y'all enjoy this.
jfrancis@netcom.com 

----- End Second Message -----